I may have mentioned it before, but I have depression and anxiety. Luckily, I am largely high-functioning and my symptoms are usually not severe thanks to medication. However, that does not mean I’m “cured.” In fact, I believe I’m “high-functioning” because of my anxiety: I have to keep busy to keep my mind off looming thoughts. The way I explain it to people it that although I may not be struggling my mental illnesses it at a certain point in time, it’s still there.

Recently, someone I know started a mental health blog and said a few things that rubbed me the wrong way. I’m sure they mean well and a lot of their content is relatable, so I will not point fingers. This is a reaction to start a conversation rather than strong criticism.

Several phrases along the lines of “your mental illness does not define you” in particular upset me. Even on my “good days,” my depression and anxiety are still there. While feelings of anxiety are perfectly common in most everyone, the medical anxiety disorder is so much more than just worrying. Anxiety disorder is more or less a persistent physiological, psychological, physical and emotional state of stress. That is pretty much the bones of what I experience, but my personal anxiety ticks come in many different shapes and sizes depending on the situation. I tried my best to describe my particular symptoms in this post I made about a year ago.

Anxiety rules most of my chains of thought and motives my actions, whether I like it or not, so yes, it actually does define me. It may not be a part of me I particular enjoy, but I’m not ashamed of it. Removing yourself from your mental illness can be dangerous and unhealthy. There is a huge stigma around mental health, particularly in men, and not acknowledging your symptoms or being in denial might only make them worse. Rather, we should encourage people to know the signs of anxiety and depression and give tools to coexist with them.

At the moment, there is no hard and fast cure for depression or anxiety, just ways to treat it. That means these mental illnesses will likely be with you for the rest of your life in one way or another. For people with anxiety and depression, even on good days, symptoms can still be largely present. People should not be shamed into silence because it’s convenient to people who don’t understand, rather, should be encouraged to be open about how their mental illness may affect their work, academic and personal lives. I know I gained a lot from being more open about my depression with my professors, supervisors and friends and I encourage everyone with mental illnesses to make yourself visible because you deserve to be supported.

Note: this is queued post.

Only one month until I start a new chapter of my life doing my Master’s degree in Brighton! Where has the summer gone?

To prepare for my trip, in the next month, I have to…

• Finish work: trying to finish strong at my internship to get good recommendations
• Shop for things I can’t get in the United Kingdom: thigh chafing relief gel, my make-up brands, etc.
• Make doctor appointments: to stock up on my prescription pills
• Take passport photos: for my train pass and university card
• Set up a bank account abroad: to make paying for my house and phone less of a pain in the arse
• Pay any final housing fees
• Set up my English phone number: thankfully, I still have my SIM card from two years ago, I just have to top up my account
• Plan and queue blog posts for the next two months (particularly when I’m on holiday)
• Several “dry runs” of packing: pack like I’m about to leave, but make sure my bag isn’t overweight and I’m not taking things I don’t need
• Change out jewelry: for work, I had to keep my smiley and nose jewelry subtle but now that I’m free, I’m getting a horseshoe for my smiley and a nose ring
• Tattoo appointment: regrettably, I picked at my tattoo while it was healing and it led to some discoloration, so I’m going to get it touched up as well as a new tattoo with my best friend Sydney
• Finalize my New York trip plans: I can’t believe I leave in a bit over two weeks!
• Finalize my trip plans and train for the Camino de Santiago
• Clean out room by donating things I don’t wear or use
• Order things I need for my house to pick up once I arrive in Brighton
• Stay on top of my visa application: I just have to gather my supporting documents and send it out as soon as possible
• Change the address of tickets I’ve ordered to my new address: I’d hate to have concert tickets arrive at my parents’ house the week before a gig
• Familiarize myself with my course textbook
• Create a monthly budget
• Apply for jobs in Brighton
• Get in touch with my buddies: I will soon be paired with several incoming international or exchange students coming to Sussex to mentor
• Bid friends and family adieu

Phew! I’m tired just writing this. Wish me luck as I’m in the final stretch of preparing for my journey!

Also, I changed my blog title to match my URL, just for consistency sake. No big deal.

Note: this is a queued post.

Oh, hey. I’ve gotten quite a bit of followers in the last few months, so I thought I’d share a bit about more me!

1. My first time out of the country was to Canada when I was eighteen in May 2013. I visited my friend Nina in Montreal, Quebec and my (now ex-) boyfriend Colin in London, Ontario. Since then, I made about half a dozen trips to Ontario over the next few years, most recently in July 2015, until Colin and I split and visited Nina in August 2015. My first time abroad was when I studied abroad in England from September 2015 to June 2016.
2. I have two piercings and three tattoos. I have my right nostril and my smiley pierced. My tattoos are a small paper airplane on the back of my neck, “We are not meaningless” on my left side of my torso and a traditional-style dagger through a rose on my left calf with the script “Follow your bliss.” 
3. I W.W.O.O.F.’ed in June 2015 in Ontario. W.W.O.O.F. is Willing Workers on Organic Farms, where you volunteer to live and work on an organic farm and your pay is room and board. It’s a big reason why I started this blog, in addition to my study abroad program that closely followed.
4. I can ride my bike with no handlebars (no handlebars, no handlebars…).
5. I have never broken a bone. My worst injury would have to be when I sprained a joint in my collar bone at an Enter Shikari concert. It hurt to do most anything (I would end up in tears just trying to get dressed), and it didn’t help that my dominant hand was the one that was hurt. Fortunately, after a week or so, it was about 80% healed, the other 20% came over the next month and a half.
6. I’m not a big museum person. I have the attention span of a goldfish, so reading plaques with paragraphs of texts or looking in miles worth of art isn’t in my forte. If I’m alone, I will usually peruse at a comfortable speed (usually always moving) but I’m too self-conscious to do that alone.
7. I bought an 80GB iPod classic with pet-sitting money in 2007 and it is still my best purchase to date. It’s not fully functional anymore, but it was a good little machine in its prime.
8. I’ve been a vegetarian since 2011. However, since my time abroad, I’ve become more of a “flexitarian,” fluctuating between vegan, vegetarian and the very occasional meaty meal. 
9. I worked part-time at a professional theater on my university’s campus as a glorified usher for my entire undergraduate career. Our theater, Gammage, got touring casts of professional musicals such as Phantom of the Opera, Wicked, Hamilton, and more. My job duties were to scan tickets, direct people to their seats, be the first line of defense against any issues with patrons and answer questions about the show and venue. Most of the other workers were students as well, so we got to do coursework on the job during the show. It was an amazing, easy job to have as a student and I couldn’t have asked for a better experience. I wrote a bit about my tenure at Gammage here.
10. Right now, if I had to choose, my favorite musical artist is Rise Against, my favorite television show is It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, my favorite film is Across the Universe, my favorite book is The Green Mile by Stephen King and my favorite musical is Kinky Boots. Although I have a lot of other honorable mentions that I could talk about all day…
11. A bit about my family: I have two younger brothers, Kyle and Ryan. My parents met in high school when they were living in southern California. Both my parents are educated to a Master’s level and my dad works as an engineer. My mom’s aunts live relatively local and most of the rest of my extended family lives in southern California. Last but most certainly not least, I have a nine-year-old Border collie mix called Bailey and he is my world.
12. I don’t think I could travel for months on end, but big up to those who do. I get fatigued after about two weeks and love having somewhere to return to that I can call home, a bed of my own to sleep in and some consistency until my next adventure.
13. This is the whitest story ever told, but in terms of Friends, I’m 50% Monica, 5% Rachel, 20% Phoebe, 20% Chandler and 5% Ross.
14. I am a really picky drinker. I don’t do beer or wine whatsoever, I’ll have the very occasional coffee or tea and I’m trying to cut back on soda. I mainly drink water and juice.
15. I’ve recently grown really fond of snakes, I’d love to have one as a pet!
16. I happened upon Wonder Woman being filmed in Trafalgar Square, London in February 2016. The scene they were filming was a war victory scene, shown at the end of the film. It was pretty neat!
17. My two absolute pet peeves are chronically late people and people cracking their knuckles. I say “chronically” because I understand that shit happens, but it ticks me off when people are consistently late, it shows extreme disrespect. And the sound of cracking knuckles is like nails on chalkboard to me, it literally makes me grimace.
18. I love going to gigs. Here’s a more or less exhaustive list of all the gigs I’ve been to, the setlist played, my personal account and future concerts. The only artist that I love and have yet to see live is Billy Talent… maybe one day. 
19. My go-to karaoke song is Sk8r Boi by Avril Lavigne and if I had to lip sync for my life, I would do it to Lay All Your Love On Me by ABBA.
20. I don’t know exactly what I want to do when I grow up, but I don’t think it would be just one thing. I can definitely see myself changing careers several times. Right now, I’m really enjoying the education and outreach parts of my job, so I might start there!

Note: this is a queued post.